My Compliments To Jess Lair

Jess Lair wrote a book entitled, “I Don’t Know Where I’m Going, but I Sure Ain’t Lost.” I looked for the book, but I couldn’t find it. The book is lost, but memories and inspiration remain. He tells the story of a man lost at sea, surrounded by endless plains of emerald ocean water. It had been days since he had experienced the comfort and safety of his boat. He never dreamed that he would be imprisoned in the cold water of the Atlantic Ocean. His lifejacket kept him afloat and yet there was no hope. He waited for death to come and relieve him of his agony. Time was running out for him like the sands in an hour glass. Suddenly after what seemed to be an eternity of suffering, he saw a bright light. A seaman on a fishing boat noticed something in the water and alerted his captain. Their searchlight revealed his presence to them and they lifted him out of the waters to the safety and warmth of the fishing boat. He didn’t know where the boat would take him, but he knew that he was no longer lost.

Life was filled with endless possibilities when we were young and it seemed that anything was possible. We were overwhelmed with choices, inspired by dreams and filled with passions. We believed that we were invincible and old age was very far away. But years eroded the plethora of possibilities, and dreams wilted like spring flowers, as the spring and summer of our lives turned to fall and finally winter. The fires and passions that once raged in the hearth of our hearts could no longer fill the room with warmth.

Zorba the Greek disagreed. When his death neared, he raged against the dark saying, “They say that death steals the fire inside of a man, that he hears death calling and says, ’Come in.'

That is a pack of damn lies. I’ve got enough fire inside of me to devour the world.” Nikos Kazantzakis, the Greek author, journalist and statesman, 1883 to 1957, wrote the book, “Zorba the Greek,” Zorba was the sensual man of passion and the Englishman was the intellectual man of reason. Zorba tells the Englishman, “You have everything but one thing, madness. Without madness, you can never cut the rope and truly be free.” The Englishman weighed everything, used all his book learning and knowledge to ensure that he met his goals. But he lacked the ability to take risks. Zorba asked The Englishman, “Why do people die, why does anybody die?” The Englishman answered, “I don’t know. I don’t know.” Zorba pressed the question by asking, “If you and all your books can’t tell you that, then what they tell you?” The Englishman’s voice resonated sadness when he answered, “About the agony of men who can’t answer such questions.” Zorba lived his life with reckless abandon, but he loved Bubalina and he was overwhelmed by grief. Zorba followed his passion, but lost in his sea of chaos he needed an island of reason to keep his sanity. Zorba needed the Englishman’s reasons to give him some meaning and order in his life.

Life demands choices of us that aren’t safe, choices that help us to get unstuck and set us free, choices that create new possibilities when there don’t seem to be any possibilities. To be alive is to chance and adapt and grow. Without friction the tires spin but the car doesn’t go anywhere. Without challenges and risks our lives stall and we begin to die, a slow, depressing, painful death. Helen Keller wrote, “Life has no guarantees. There are guarantees for alarm clocks and automobiles, but there are no guarantees for life. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” She was deaf, dumb, and blind, but she was less handicapped than most of us. She figured it all out through what the German philosophers call “geist,” which means an effort of comprehension, a journey into unexplored possibilities that creates new meaning. We are all explorers for a brief time, yet we may discover new lands, and new paradigms. We may not know where we are going, but can’t be lost if we are willing to risk the journey.

“The Lady and the Tiger” is a familiar story. A princess and a common man fall in love, but her father won’t let them marry. His punishment is a choice between two doors. Behind one door is a tiger, and behind the other is a beautiful woman (not the princess who he loves.) The princess knows what is behind each door. She tells him which door to choose. Is she jealous enough to give the man she loves the door in front of the tiger, or does she love him enough to save his life though that would require him to marry the beautiful woman. Will he trust her and heed her advice, or assume the worst and choose the other door? We are left to decide.

Shakespeare wrote, “When you ride a tiger, you can never get off.” Many of us ride our tiger; invest most of our time pursuing our careers. Others make the love of their life their first priority, and don’t climb high up the ladder of success. True love requires great sacrifices but it leads to a depth of intimacy that tiger-riders will never experience. Either choice may lead to regrets latter in life.

Cat Stevens wrote a song called, “The Cats in the Cradle.” A parent was too busy with work to spend time with his/her children. Old age arrives and the parent’s child is too busy with his/her work to spend time with his /her parent. You can exchange spouse for parent and spouse for child, or change parent to parents and add spouse and child, and so on. The song is about our regrets over not spending time with the people that we love.

This is a true story. A very wealthy man went to a counseling appointment with a PhD clinical psychologist. He wrote a check for $10,000 and said, “I’ll give you this check if you can show me how to experience love.” He wanted to know what to do because he had never experienced love. The PhD clinical psychologist shook his head and said, “I can’t do that for you.” He was prepared to offer more money, but all of his money could not buy him love. Perhaps life’s greatest journey is our search for love. To love someone and to be loved by that person may be life’s greatest gift, but it is not available on demand. The other person must fall in love with that one special person and continue to choose to love him/her. Love must be nurtured if it is to grow. Neglect can often put out the fire of love and leave both people wanting its warmth. Love requires the daily investment of our time and sacrifices to meet the needs of the other. Sometimes keeping love alive and healthy can be hard work and seem to have no immediate rewards. It takes courage and commitment to “Blow on the coal of the heart,” but often I have seem dying embers transformed into glowing fires, more than enough to keep the room, where two hearts live, warm.

My bias has emerged. I learned how to get off my tiger and spend time with those I love. I left an eighteen year career behind and worked tirelessly to make up time. There is lots of fire in the hearth and little money in the bank. Some days I feel lost and ride my tiger in my dreams. But morning comes and I hold Sharon in my arms, and I know that I am truly a wealthy man. I have a lot to make up for with my wife and children, but they have been kind to this sixty year old man. The truth is that I don’t know where I am going, but I’m not lost. I am on a journey and love is my path, my guide, and my passion. Today I spent time with my son Tom, and the love of his life Rachel. It brings me great joy to see how much they love each other. They have begun a wonderful journey and I pray that love will always be their path, their guide and their passion. May their lives be filled with enough reason to keep their sanity and order their chaos, and enough passion to keep the fire burning in their hearth and keep the room warm where two hearts live as one.